Will You Be My Bridesmaid?
12:00 PM
I’m not going to lie to you, this blog may start off making you feel a little uncomfortable, but my goal is to have it end on a happy note (so hang on). I’ll be sharing tips and ideas on the bridal party selection process. We’ve all heard stories about brides and bridesmaids who are no longer friends (before or after the wedding). Or having a maid of honor or bridesmaid who is not fulfilling their bridesmaid duties. Picking friends as bridesmaids over family or vice versa and a hundred other combination of things. To say it simply, this is YOUR day. You should do whatever makes you comfortable and happy. Try your best to not let the opinions of others steer you into a direction or decision you won’t be happy with.
When the time came, I instantly knew the core group of women I wanted to ask to be my bridesmaids. I just had questions about one of them, but I won’t go too deeply into it now. If you get anything from this blog, get this: if you keep having to question if they should be in your bridal party, the answer is: “she ain’t the one!” There’s a reason your soul is preventing you from putting them in the yes column, so listen to your instincts.
How I Chose My Tribe
The months following the wedding proposal were incredibly difficult as my dad’s condition worsened. It was so bad that Jonathan and I had originally planned a small court wedding on November 2, 2018 for my dad to be able to attend. We eventually decided that we didn’t want to rush the process and moved the wedding date a year out. My dad passed on February 27, 2019 (just a few months after the original wedding date). You could imagine the toll it took on me mentally as the guilt became to pour over. I kept questioning if I had made the right decision. This was around the same time I wanted to do my bridesmaid proposals, but I put everything on hold as I spent any and all of my free time at the hospital or at my mom’s house trying to take care of her.
During this entire time, and throughout the years of his diagnosis, there were five women (you’ll meet them in an upcoming blog) who were always standing by my side. So, my decision on who I wanted to be standing next to me on my wedding day was simple. There are friends that you can laugh and have fun with but the ones that truly matter are the ones that can hold you up on your worst days. I’m emotional thinking about it now, but I found strength through their friendship to get through my dad’s passing while still trying to somehow plan a wedding. They made my life easier and I feel that’s very important when making your choices.
Exercise (one that you can do sitting down)
1. Find a blank sheet of paper and something to write with
2. Fold the paper in half (vegan hot dog style)
3. On the left side, list 5 of your favorite memories in your life and under each memory, write the name of the person who made that moment so wonderful
4. On the right side, list 5 of your least favorite memories and under each memory, write the name of the person who gave you a shoulder to lean on and never left your side
5. Look at your list, are there any names that fall on both lists? Are these people still in your life? What does this tell you?
I’m not saying everyone on this list should be in your bridal party but it’s a good start as you try to evaluate your friendships and who is important to you.
Another option is to do an Olympic-style triathlon/obstacle race where you ask them questions about yourselves while they’re balancing a ball on top of their head while also riding a unicycle. This tests their ability multi-task and while being under extreme stress. Just some ideas, you choose what's right for you.
Friends Forever?
Friendship is far beyond the number of years that you’ve known someone or the memories that you’ve shared years ago. This is your special day, you should not feel obligated to make someone a bridesmaid or maid/matron of honor if you don’t want to. Just because someone asks if they can be your bridesmaid doesn’t mean you have to say yes. (If you’re reading this and you’ve been guilty of this, please go apologize to the bride.) I don’t mean to sound, well mean, but it’s just not nice to put your friend in that awkward position. Let this be organic, if you’re overthinking it, that person should probably not be in your bridal party. You want to pick the first people that pop into your head, those who have lasting impacts on your life.
Support Group (aka Bride Tribe/I Do Crew/Bride and Boozy Boos)
It’s important to select a bridal party who is insanely supportive of your relationship with your future spouse. Your bridal party should be filled with people you can depend on to get tasks completed while still keeping you sane. Bridesmaids are more than just people who are walking down the aisle with you, they are your biggest advocates and cheerleaders, so choose wisely.
Maid/Matron of Honor
There aren’t really any rules regarding how many of each you can have. Technically, if you wanted your entire party to be maids of honors, you could. As for me, I have one of each, a maid of honor as well as a matron of honor. This is a huge responsibility for one person so make sure that the person you want to ask feels comfortable with it before they agree to do it.
Art by: IrinaIllustration
|
Bridesmaid Responsibilities
This will look different for everyone based on the needs of your wedding, how large your bridal party is, how involved the families are, how much support you’re getting from the wedding planner/coordinator. I’m planning the wedding myself and will have a day of coordinator so I am leaning on my bridal party a little more deeply than other brides may (girl, we on a budget ok!).
This is the list of responsibilities I had in mind when I was asking my tribe:
● Wedding dress try on with the bride
● Planning of the bachelorette
● Planning of the bridal shower
● Other wedding details like making party favors, thank you cards
● Running small errands (picking up things week of/day of the wedding)
● Collecting wedding gifts and loading the car
● Packing up décor items after the wedding is over
● Keeping the bride sane during the entire wedding process
● Make the bride’s life easier during the entire wedding process
● Making sure the bride looks amazing on her wedding day
● Drinking alcohol for the bride during the day of the wedding (LOL, I’ve already designed 2 of my 5 bridesmaids for this)
● Helping the bride in and out of her dress during bathroom breaks (should be less frequent if you designate more bridesmaids to drink for you, LOL)
● Memorize the general wedding day timeline to help things along if needed
● Help guide guests and answer any questions they may have
● Make sure guests are having a great time
Bridesmaid Expenses
Being a bridesmaid is a big expense money wise and time wise, so be sure you have an open conversations with everyone in your bridal party. Make sure they are aware of the costs of being a bridesmaid and are willing to commit. Yes, there’s a lot of fun but fun costs $$$.
Here’s the breakdown:
● Bachelorette (splitting to cover the cost for the bride, rooming, food, decor, etc.)
● Bridal shower (food, décor, rentals, etc. but if it’s co-ed the groomsmen can help)
● Bridesmaid dress, shoes and accessories*
● Hair, make-up*
*The bride may cover these costs, but if you are trying to save money, it’s okay to ask your bridesmaid if they are comfortable doing their own hair and make-up. You may also have someone in your bride tribe who is a budding make-up artist and would love this opportunity to showcase her work. Some brides may even pay for specific accessories like floral crowns or dresses for their bridesmaids. I’m having my bridesmaids wear a traditional Vietnamese ao dai as well as a formal dress. So, I chose to cover the cost of the ao dai for them.
Bridesmaids Guide to Success/Survival
It is absolutely OK to have blunt conversations when it comes to the bridesmaid expenses and responsibilities. It’s better to have the conversation up front rather than 5 months into the process. I took it a step further and made a 10ish page “Bridesmaids Guide to Success/Survival” (BGTS) document (with photos) for my bridesmaids. The BGTS outlines a lot of the things you’re reading here but in more detail. I wanted a single place for my bridesmaids to be able to access to get all of the answers they needed. This will save you from having to answer the same question 100 times (leave me a comment if you’re interested in reading a blog about this).
Does Size Matter?
Actually, it does. Here are a few things to consider:
● Budget -this is important if you are planning on helping the bridal party pay for parts of their outfit
● Groom’s Party -you’ll want to make sure your numbers are even so that everyone has a partner
● Time Spent -larger parties also take longer for photos, etc. so think about how much time you want to spend coordinating and/or waiting on people
● Venue Size -will everyone fit in the space (more of an aesthetics decision)
My Bridesmaids Aren’t Planners
That’s perfectly fine. That’s the point of having an I Do Crew, they can collectively work together to figure things out. Anything on its own may seem scary but if you’ve selected the right group of gals, you should be more than fine! There are also numerous resources online, here are some of my favorites:
YouTube
Jamie Wolfer - I binged all of her videos in 2 weeks she’s amazing
Articles
I really hope this helps you make some of your decisions. If not, I hope it gave you things to think about. Good luck with the process! Leave me a comment if you have any questions or just want to say hi!
Disclaimer: There is no one right or wrong answer when selecting your bridal party. I am not a professional wedding planner, just a girl planner her own wedding. I am sharing my own experiences and will be using “bride” and “groom” but feel free to replace with whichever term(s) work for you. Happy planning!
With love,
Linh ♡ labour of love
1 love notes
Wow honey anyone that reads this will definitely benefit from this. You go into perfect amount of depth as to what a bridesmaid or maid of honor should be. I applaud you my love for planning our wedding and still blogging about it. You go babeh I’m proud of you. I love you
ReplyDelete♡ Leave me a love note to let me know what's on your mind.